Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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