I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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