You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
