there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
