Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
