Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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