I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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