What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
