8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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