atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
