Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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