youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Randomize