hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
worst night to have a conscience
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
