idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
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