My hand turned me down
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
