Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
