i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
