I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
