Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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