i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
