I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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