The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
