You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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