Do you still have your period?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
