super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
