does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize