Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Randomize
