I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
