$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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