I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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