Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
