Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
