a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
