Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
