onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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