either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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