4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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