I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Acid is not a monday night drug
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
