you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
