You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
