i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
