i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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