He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
