Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I am naked and annoyed.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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