fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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