What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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