Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
