Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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