I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
