Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
