Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
MIDGETS
????
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
