i jhust puked up my retainher.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
