How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
