I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
