Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
