there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize