you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize