I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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