Plan B is the new Plan A
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
