His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
