Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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