I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
