I want to stick my p in your. b.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
