Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
