You're my little dorito
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
