I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
