I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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