I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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