shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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