Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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