I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Someone signed my nipple.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
