Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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