That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
