I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
